Dipper Detox
by aiuoe
Summary: If she had really needed a Dipper Detox, nothing would exist because every single fucking thing reminds her of him.
1. Chapter 1

Notes: This is my first published dipcifica although slightly cliche but i'm all about cliche and feels. I will soon publish my second dipcifica fic which will be entitled 'Babba Boy' inspired by the memorial library girl and vikings fan story, This is also in Ao3  
-This will be a College AU and Dipper and Pacifica are around 18-20 or so  
-First chapter will only be a prologue and will not be a High School AU  
-this will be short and sweet? just the first chapter of course  
-feel free to leave comments, thoughts, suggestions, corrections and violent reactions (Which i do hope would be constructive criticism)  
Also I'm looking for a beta reader on this one

And i'm more of a visual artist then a writer so don't judge.

And lastly if you're a Harry Potter fan please try reading my next gen fic 'Influx' (Scorose)

* * *

" _I loved you!"_ He screamed, his usual awkward and dorky demeanor gone and replaced by a look of betrayal and disappointment, "I— I guess I was wrong." With every word he forced out, each betraying the pain and hurt he felt as he looked upon her with glazed, reddening eyes, her chest ached as her heart fought against the icy hand clenching inside like a vice until not even a breath escaped her trembling lips.

He wanted to trust her. He believed in her, that she wasn't just another snobby, rich Northwest who only cares about themselves but doing what she did to him…

He wasn't quite sure what to make of it now. He wanted to think that all the excuses she made of not being able to come when they were supposed to hang out were real, that it wasn't just a lie; but he wasn't that confident, not anymore.

The pain that he was feeling was caused by the love that he felt.

He had screamed the words he had so long wanted to say tenderly; but it was never so simple, was it?. He was even more furious with the fact that he knows he was lying. _He still loves her._ His heart hammered against his chest thinking of how much he wanted to say those words again and again to her, to see her smile when he did; but that never happened. It probably never would.

Instead, he had turned to leave but she grabbed his wrist, her hands unusually damp with sweat, quivering as she pleaded desperately, "Dipper… don't," He glanced back at her rueful face and looked away. "Don't make this any harder than it's supposed to be." He took his hand back and she instinctively hugged his waist preventing him to move further, staining his shirt with tears.

His eyebrows furrowed, "Pacifica…" her grip on him got tighter which made leaving harder. He hesitantly brought his hands to the ones that were hugging his waist and gave a light squeeze and Pacifica relaxed her arms. As soon as they were loose he took them away and her arms started to shake again. Her stomach dropped and she felt so weak. Her tears momentarily stopped as his warmth left and she watched his back leaving.

She sunk on her legs and the tears flowed freely again, she couldn't. She couldn't even stop staring at the place where he had been earlier; she was pathetic. After everything she had done to Dipper and his friends when they were twelve, he still accepted her and consistently believed in her, But now she's gone and killed the trust they'd built? Worst of all, she didn't even remember how it happened; all she does know is she fucked up.

Fucking up wasn't the norm for Pacifica Elise Northwest but for someone not used to fucking up, her life kind of was one long, continuous fuck-up. All those trophies, awards and money she has didn't really give the indication that her life was anything but sunshine and rainbows. What kind of family would hide as the only chances of survival for the rest of the population of their own home town rests in their hands? Her Father had even suggested on eating the butler when food runs out and don't get her started on the bells; what was she, a cow?

She shook her head, gasping for air in between sobs. Dipper was the one that helped her -him and her ridiculous sister, both of them were there for her- especially through the hard times when her family lost most of their fortune and all those oh-so-genuine friends of hers started getting busy. She was heartbreakingly emotionally dependent upon the Pines twins. How could she do this to him? To them?

When the loneliness became too much she transferred schools just to be with them. She remembered the next year when she apprehended the fact that she liked Dipper. She remembered frustratingly waiting a whole year for him to finally realize her feelings and she remembered when he said he kind of liked her too.

She remembered their first dates, their seconds, the third, the fourth, the fifth; she remembered all of their dates. She remembered their awkward first kiss. She remembered their conversations about anything and everything, the playful banter and the intellectual debates, and their midnight talks about how life is a bitch... and what a bitch she is, doing this to her.

She stopped crying by this time but her breathing was still heavy and uneven. She put up a small smile remembering his smile, his laugh, his adorable birthmark that he hates, she remembers him… and most of all she remembered the face he gave her when he left and she frowned.

Her frown stayed too; as the scenes around her kept changing but her feelings remained the same. Even if it was one of her last days in High School, she had planned a perfect week with Dipper and some had included his sister too. She took down the calendar that hung in her room that was filled with dipper's handwriting. She didn't want to throw it away, so she hid it instead. She saw him everywhere, like a mirage of the halcyon days. She saw him rummaging through her average sized vanity desk that was entirely occupied with beauty products, not bothering to ask why she has so many because he knows her. She saw him rolling around her bed, fixing her lights, enhancing her room with his dorky personality, placing CCTV cameras just in case something happens to her even though she teased him about wanting to see her change her clothes; she saw him and it was overwhelming.

But if she really needed a Dipper Detox, nothing would exist because every single fucking thing reminds her of him.

That was the truth, so since the unfortunate event of their fall out, she hurries back to her aunt's house before the stars show, otherwise the fucking Dipper would hang in the sky, rubbing salt in old wounds. Because every time she saw even the slightest image of the night sky, she would think of him and how she wasn't good enough. It's like Mother Nature laughing in her face, saying, 'Here go look at these pine trees, oh, don't forget about the fucking starry night too'.

People around her started to notice too; who wouldn't? She'd skipped two whole days of class. But when she came back, she did the one thing she was good at most; she put up a mask and acted as if there was nothing wrong when in fact it was the total opposite. She could even see Mabel's pitiful glances at her and she just smiled and waved but nothing more than that. Why is she even looking at her like that? Knowing what she did to Dipper, Mabel should look at her in disgust and shame; she knew she would.

She didn't attend any of the batch events either, the ones where you pour your hearts out and the ones where you get drunk and hammered, and she and Dipper avoided each other like the plague.

The worst of it all was graduation day. She thought he might at least give a glance at her or even someone beside her knowing that he would be actually looking at her through his peripherals. He didn't though; but she looked to him the entire time.

And it hurts. She wasn't sad that her Father and Mother did not make it, or even that her Aunt was busy, that she was all alone and the only ones taking photos are the school's paper and some hired photographers her Father sent. What hurts was when she had the courage to offer him her congratulations, he walked right past her, completely ignoring her as if she didn't exist and the feelings that she had when he pushed her arms from his waist came rushing back. Her stomach dropped again and her knees were weak and she felt as if she was going to drop.

She had to hold back all her pent up feelings, those awful vulnerabilities and weaknesses from gushing out then and there otherwise she might break entirely. It should be a happy day, after all she was the valedictorian; but that didn't mean much to her anymore, not when one of the most important things in her life was gone. The hand that she held out started shaking and she watched his retreating back; but this time she couldn't even try to stop him. The only occurrence that made her feel real that day was the hug she received from Mabel, from her friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes:First of all, I am terribly sorry for the long update due to the fact that classes started about two weeks ago and not to mention my school is on a fucking isolated mountain. Also I kinda got writer's block or maybe a lame excuse that I can't think of anything. I am also sorry for the short chapter :(((((

Second of all, I feel like shit and everyone is leaving me...

Anyway here is the second chapter. I do hope you like.

*Still looking for a beta reader

*Try checking my AO3 because i'll be adding illustrations there soon. My name there is AIOUE

*Again, feel free to leave comments, thoughts, suggestions, corrections and violent reactions (and i repeat; constructive criticism)

*I added a bit of humor, i think?

* * *

She took off her cashmere-lined leather gloves as they were getting away with eating comfortably. Instantly, the freezing temperature rushed to her fingers and she wrapped them on the mug of hot chocolate in her hands, she sighed contently at the momentary warmth it gave her.

Cross legged, elbows on the table, she brought the mug to her lips and blew lightly before sipping. She didn't put the mug down when the heat of the liquid went down her throat, instead, the mug was up and aligned directly in front of her mouth as she was waiting for the casually dressed waiter to bring the rest of her usual order.

Quite suddenly, the vibrations of the eager knock - more of an abrupt loud bang - from the window beside her startled her causing the mug in her hand to inelegantly fall and break. She cringed at the sound, tensed. Her eyes transfixed at the broken and spilled drink, thinking of how much similar they were.

There was a commotion to her left that leads her to shake her head and blink twice, clearing out of her reverie. The hands that were still up in the air earlier were put down. She curiously glanced to where the disruption was even though she was still worried about the shattered mug, she'll have to pay for later. The few people, who were up and in the café, moved their attention from her to the brunette who was forcibly taking the cleaning materials from the waiter.

She only looked at the girl in shock as the weirdly-eccentric dressed brunette hurriedly went to Pacifica's table and cleaned everything clumsily which only managed to spread the drink and injure her hand. "Oh my…" she looked at the small wound in her hand with wide eyes before looking at her apologetically. "I'm so sorry Pacifica… I didn't mean to. I was only trying to get your attention." She rubbed her arm sheepishly. "I guess I got too excited." She smiled widely exposing perfect teeth.

The girl had only surprise her more when she hugged her tightly and let go as quickly. "I'm sorry but who are you?" The girl laughed. "No, really." Pacifica added. The waiter finally came back with new cleaning materials and cleared up the mess whilst staring at the girl in disdain.

She looked at the girl's expression, an ever present smile that the longer you look the creepier it gets and the realization dawned upon her to who she was and her eyes widened, she couldn't believe she didn't recognize her earlier. "I am the incredibly cute and bedazzling," She did a pose showing the side of her face, "Future princess of some dimension I can't pronounce." Her face went to being fabulous to a contemplating one. The blonde shrugged off the last sentence, after seeing some two dimensional Dorito with a top hat and bow tie contort your own Father's face and was close to ruling their entire dimension with weirdness and oddity, you don't really get surprised much.

"Thou shall not need to bow to her highness, thou shall hug her Highness" Mabel said as she twirled showing her Sabrina neckline striped sweater, each stripe was a different pattern, among the shooting stars, llamas, yellow triangles and ice cubes was a white stripe with blue pine trees.

She shook her head of unwanted thoughts and instead focused on how big the puffy sweater was, it was certainly too big for her, the sleeves were a hand longer to her fingertips and the hemline stopped at her mid-thigh showing only little of magenta shorts. Her long socks that went up just below her knees were also striped but alternated to a sort of see through cloth and another different pattern that corresponded with the sweater, she paired it up with classic and shiny black school girl shoes.

"Her highness is not patient, she wishes to hug her friend mutually because she misses her greatly." She said with her chin held high in mock royalty.

Pacifica had to roll her eyes on that one thinking of how much her features matured and how she only got 'Mabel-er'. "I'm the one who is royalty here, Mabel." She quickly embraced her which Mabel returned patting her back. "It's good to see you too, Paz."

When they had let go, Mabel sat down in front of her and she noticed that she still has her naturally red cheeks and was only wearing light make-up but her eyelashes we're long and magenta. "So, Mabes, how have you been? Apart from all of this." She gestured both of her hands to all of her.

"Well if you must know," She patted the air once in an 'Oh stop it, you' manner, "I'm currently attending this Fashion school in Wilshire Boulevard of Beverly Hills," She said extremely fast that Pacifica barely understood, "It's called 'Academy of Couture Art." She slowed down her talking dramatically and waved her hands in a manner that she was forming rainbows in the air, "It's such a Fanshy-shnanshy modern place and overall it's b to the ootyful, I'm also getting married…" _Wait, what?_ Mabel didn't catch her confusion and rambled on.

"… Waddles can fly already, WOOT WOOT to that, you got that right _pigs can fly_! Oooh Have you heard that Soos has a baby? A cutie, blessed child that boy… he must be protected at all cost." She wasn't necessarily listening but when she heard about the previous Mystery Shack owner her heart clenched. "Tad Strange also wore this weird neon green tie and don't you think it's a tad strange? It was in the Gravity Falls newscast and recently Grenda, you know her right? Well she was in…"

She rambled on and on and on all the while Pacifica stared at her blankly. "… Squirrels in her pants, can you believe it, the only time she wears pants, a Squirrel just had to go inside. I also heard from Candy's Asian friend that a whole classroom is planning to kill their teacher in Japan who was a perverted, yellow, octopus, mutant thing and can run so so very fast, do you think this could possibly be the first signs of genetic mutation that could eventually lead to X-men? Well I think he'll be a great Professor X because…"

"Mabel." She tried.

"… There was also this Man who used to be hot as hell but he tried to kill this baby who lived with a scar that was shaped like the flash's logo but the Man ended up getting kil–"

"MABEL!"

"Why does everybody shout my name when I'm just trying to tell them how I was?" She pouted.

"Mabel, it's not like you were talking about you, ¾ of what you said right now are not even remotely related to you."

Mabel grunted, "You're just like Dipper. He said the exact same thing yesterday."

Pacifica stayed silent, that boy was the one topic she wanted to avoid for two years. She forgot about the ridiculous idea of Mabel getting married and the coincidence that she just happened to come on a day where she's regularly at this café.

"I'm sorry Pacifica…" She looked down, "I shouldn't have mentioned him." It was like all her perky and upbeat attitude went down abruptly.

Pacifica gave Mabel an incredulous look that clearly gave the false message that she wasn't bothered at all, the name just caught her off guard, "Who? Dipper?" and actually saying it left a tingle on her tongue.

The waiter finally went to their table and placed a Mont Blanc and six pieces of mini Canelés to which she offered to Mabel and asked the waiter to get her the most colorful and sparkling pastry they've got, knowing that Mabel would very much want some. They're service slowed down, there weren't even many costumers, if she had been who she was when they were twelve, she would sue this café.

She placed a spoonful of Mont Blanc in her mouth, "As I was saying, I'm over him." She shrugged nonchalantly, not caring that she was displaying a manner not befitting a Northwest by talking with her mouth full.

"That would sound convincing when you're not eating his favorite dessert." She replied plainly, "Don't even try denying it Pacifica, I know you know his favorite dessert. You may seem like you don't care and maybe you're trying to convince yourself you don't but you do." She said eagerly as Pacifica kept eating and pretending that she wasn't concerned "You probably know his favorite everything… I wouldn't be surprised if you're a regular here with a usual order of Mont Blanc." She pooped a Canelé in her mouth, "I think, that maybe it's time you get over him." Mabel made a rare sad and serious face which in turn made Pacifica think; she does not like where this conversation is going.

She stood up and grabbed her purse to search for money. "I'm sorry Mabel but I can't do this anymore, it's been nice talking to you. I just…you remind me so much of him and I can't… just pay this to the waiter for the pastry I ordered for you." She left the money on the table and didn't waste time to get to the door and pretend this morning never happened just like she pretended Dipper didn't happen, except that it did and she knows that more than anyone.

Dipper affected her life more than he thinks he did and if being unconsciously conscious of doing little things the Dipper way or how it used to be is any indication at all that she still has even the slightest bit of feelings for him then maybe she is an obsessed ex-girlfriend who can't let go.

She's not this kind of person. She's not this needy, contingent, obsessive, helpless blonde- She doesn't want to be. She's an independent, strong, self-governing and confident woman. She was capable of taking care of herself.

The bell rang as she left from the door and an image of her fourteen years old self curled up on the floor of her room and her dad ringing that stupid bell came in, then another flash came showing Dipper throwing the bell and it made a clanking noise when it hit the ground, the sound made her cringe and she had ran that time and Dipper, he grabbed her wrist like she had done when he was the one leaving.

"Pacifica, wait!" As she turned back, the image and voices of Mabel and a fifteen years old Dipper merge. She lost balance a little by the confusion of reality and illusion but before she could fall Mabel caught her and put her hands on her shoulders. "Paz, are you alright?" She was still feeling disoriented and an image of Dipper kept flickering on Mabel's concerned face.

"I'm…" She was about to do the façade again, say that she was well and good but that's just far from the truth and she was getting tired of lying. After two years of keeping it all inside, after pretending to be contented of how things were, Mabel's arrival had finally triggered it, she finally broke. "NO!" A few people in the streets looked at her and Mabel took a step back, surprised but she didn't care. "NO, I AM NOT OKAY." And she'll never be okay again and the only person who could make her feel better is part of the long list of people who don't care for her. She closed her eyes, her eyebrows were all scrunched up and she was breathing heavily.

When she opened her eyes, she saw him, his worried face and that was enough for her to feel all the things she had felt before, "I'm not okay at all." she rushed to him and hugged his waist, putting her head on his chest and started crying. "Dipper, help me," She gripped his shirt which felt surprisingly thick. "I need you, Dipper." She sniffled, "I am so sorry… please just come back to me." she hugged him tighter, "Please stay." a hand reached the top of her head and stroking it gently and she sniffled.

"Pacifica…" Dipper pushed her gently out of his arms and slid his hands from her shoulder to her arms, "Dear, It's me Mabel." The brunette was worried for her reaction as she was stating the words slowly and carefully.

She blinked twice, then once and rubbed her eyes out of her tears and misconceptions. _Great, now she's going crazy._ Dipper's handsome face two years ago was distorted to Mabel's mature and feminine one.

"Maybe we should get you home, is your apartment nearby?" Pacifica replied with a nod.

"Three blocks away. I can go by myself." She turned around robotically but Mabel blocked her.

"No, you can't walk by yourself." She declared

* * *

She and Mabel ended up getting a taxi after she persistently told her that she can't go home alone walking, not if she's in this state.

When they had arrived through the door, Pacifica had immediately gone to her bed and buried her face in her pillows. She muffled embarrassed groans, banged her head and shook it before groaning again.

On the other hand when Mabel had set foot, she had first thought that Pacifica's apartment would be as Fanshy-shnanshy as her College is but it was very much simple, well organized and surprisingly modest. A full bed was at the center of the square room where Pacifica decided to submerge herself and the biggest thing she had was a whole wall of a book shelf at the front.

She proceeded to sit at the edge of Pacifica's bed causing the blonde to bolt up looking red apologizing for the way she acted earlier. "I'm not usually like that."

"It's okay Paz, I'm sorry for what I said earlier." She responded pausing a bit as if carefully thinking what she would say next which was rather unusual considering we're talking about Mabel, "Dipper… he's not the same ever since you left him." Her once red face morphed.

" _I left him._ " She laughed sarcastically, "No Mabel, _He left me_." She looked bitter for a moment and then she remembered that it was her fault anyway, she didn't know whether to blame it on the Northwest family name or her Father or Ivan Walsh instead.

"He had the right to." She turned her face away to hide the distraught in her face, "I miss him Mabel, I miss him so much…" she looked at her, showing her sad expression. "I-I don't know if I could ever get over him and maybe I should but I'm not sure if I can."

Silence fell between the two, thoughts and memories that have long since forgotten passed through both of their brain like a hurricane.

"I miss you two together too." She broke the silence, "I miss the three of us." she laughed lightly and awkwardly. Mabel had wanted to shout, say something, anything that would make the situation less serious, less sad but she couldn't and she didn't know why.

Pacifica sniffled, if she were who she was when she was twelve she would pay all those people who witnessed her rather embarrassing display of broken affection to pretend it never happened but she has lost the initiative to even do so and just like the day in her High School graduation, it ended with a hug from a friend.

Mabel and Pacifica had used the rest of the week to catch up on their lost days and somehow it felt like it was years ago except without Dipper and maybe, just maybe, she could live through it.


End file.
